I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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