Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
