I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
