how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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