After last night, I could never be a politician.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
