Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
