i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
