Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and she was petting her beer can
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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