my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
