Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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