if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize