My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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