everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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