i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
