fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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