I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
