You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
