So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
