I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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