Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
