My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
