just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
