Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
