That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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