Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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