You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
