i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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