I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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