I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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