I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
