I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
