I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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