yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
