i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
