Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Michael Bay diarrhea
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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