there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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