I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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