I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
