Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
