he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
