i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
