I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
