Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
