***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Farmville is her only friend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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