Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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