I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
