Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize