wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
