All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
