i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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