So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
