i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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