I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
