If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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