Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
