my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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