Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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