Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
