my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
