i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
