Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize