Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
BRING THE BAGELS
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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