Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
