How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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