There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
