i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
