worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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