im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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