Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
