I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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