Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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