I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
