So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize