Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
In America we eat man semen.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What a dumb baby whore.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
