i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
