Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
