I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
