I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
