community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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