I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Even my vagina gasped.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
