I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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