do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
