the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize