OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
