I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
