I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
