How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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