isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize