I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
