omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize