Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we're chasing vodka with high fives
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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