i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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