Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
