we're chasing vodka with high fives
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
